I actually woke up with something in mind. Thought about it. Craved the words while I was brushing my teeth with Pepsodent. When I really should be using my Prevident. Bad girl. And I'm dreading calling the dentist for an appointment. I'm going to call soon and prolong it for a few more months. Good idea, girl!
So, yup, suddenly getting the good old fingers exercised in typing up what I've been thinking.
Suddenly, ring ring! Crap! The knit wit phone is ringing. Darn it all! Just when I had something good brewing. So, I reluctantly get up to answer the tele and on my way, sure enough the words are now gone. They rolled down my child's plastic race car track and gone, gone, gone.
So, I answer the phone. "Hello?"
"Sally, I've got to talk to you about the plumber. He tried to make a move on me."
I decide to wait a minute before talking. This is good.
"He was really cute, and I was waiting to see what he would do. As he came up from under the kitchen sink, I was standing nearby pulling out my cookies from the oven. You know the heart shaped ones that you love. The sugar cookies. His rough hands touched my lower back and I turned around and he slowly kissed my lips and began to rub his hands over my breasts. I didn't know what to do next."
I decided to just let her keep going.
"And then, I was thinking, yeah he's been here for an hour fixing my sink, yeah I think I will let him have his way with me. George will never know. I will just take a shower so the smell of another man is gone. So, he undressed me against the heat of the oven and he made passionate love to me. His name was Cary Grant. Not the actor, but he was named after him. He was so, friggin hot. He made me melt and he was so much better than George ever has been. What do you think I should do next, Sally? He gave me his phone number so he can see me again."
"There's no Sally here. You've got the wrong number. But anyway, don't let George catch you or you are dead meat."
So, I hung up the phone, laughed and went back to trying to figure out what my words were going to be next. Maybe she just kick started something.
Still laughing. Can't stop chuckling.
How to have an Affair and Not Get Caught
All Kinds of New Ways to Have Sex
100 Ways to Have Sex
How Many Men Have You Had Sex With?
All the Different Kind of Men to Have Sex With
What Kind of Man are You?
Do you laugh while you are Having Sex?
Do you Sing While You are Having Sex?
How to Tell When Your Mind Is in the Gutter? (mine is after that crazy phone call)
What is The Great Thing About a Fiction Writer? (they can write about anything and get away with it and you don't know if it is real or fake)
How to Write Great Fiction
What Kind of Author Are You?
What is the Best Way to Deal With a Tough Situation? (besides the plumber getting nasty with you)
If you were to attempt to do something crazy what would it be?
What is the most insane thing you have ever done? (before kids of course)
Once you have kids, you're simply insane anyway. You have a right to be. You can even be senile if you want and it's okay.
Okay, what's the most senile moment you ever had?
Did you ever spit your words out wrong and say something really stupid and silly?
Who would you rather be? Tina Fey or Lindsay Lohan? Hopefully not the latter.
If you were to be a guy instead of a girl who would you rather be? Will Ferrell or Jimmy Fallon? (I guess I would pick Jimmy and only for one day of course) I like being a woman.
If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
Do you have an iny or an outy? Your family wants to know.
What do you do when your daughter asks you when her boobs are going to get bigger? (you start to laugh of course. They are cute) My nine and ten year olds were asking last year. They got the real basics and nothing more.
What not to do.
How to be patient while you wait for good things to come.
How to Work at Writing Online.
Keep doing it.
Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted February 2, 2012
If anyone likes paperdolls or knows someone who likes paper dolls, check out my paperdoll post on each of my blogs where my paper dolls are for sale:
http://jennyjofaypaperdolls.blogspot.com/
http://jenniferpaperdolls.blogspot.com/ The Official Paper Doll Blog
http://mommiedearest101.blogspot.com/
http://yourstrulycraftygal.blogspot.com/
http://prolificpoetrychick.blogspot.com/
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